The Shadows of Our Light

hey, i dealt you a hand
a hand of mercy
but the toll at the bridge
you could not afford

and the toll at the bridge
offended you
and the whole thing fell through

didn’t it?

i dealt a hand
at the bank of this sinking beach
a hand that stuck
trembling between the cracks
pressing against our feat.

alongside privelege
blind hope feigns abundance
a deep self betrayal seats itself
and faces you in the audience;

my eyes on you…

deal the hand
that holds me now?

the bridge that held us then?
your distance is a moon
that lit up the longest night

and I won’t deal
and I won’t gamble
with the shadows
of our light.

The Shadows of Our Light

I am a Thief

i am a thief
who will steal your dead plant
and bring it back to life

i am a thief
who will remind you that your throat is dry
and the water has run out

i am a thief
who alkalizes the acid since
a wealthy appetite is bound to go rancid

i am a thief
who steals the darkest hours of your day
to leave a note
a warning as the sun burns this side of earth

that your soul is empty
that there was so much to steal
but nothing to bring back to life

I am a Thief

The Clit

the latched on dance of one
the attachment to the other one
the schizophrenia of ones psyche;
breakdown
has just begun.

the dance of one
the attachment to the other one

this time i want for none
that time i wanted for none
but now i’m back again
to take it down

the dance of one
the attachment to the other one

i’ve returned to take you down
with me to the point of no return
i have come to stung
sting like a bee
on estrogen

of bees and women
of children and cum
i have been strung
by the umbilical chord that saved my life
that day

i have become something i don’t recognize
i have come to take back that night
when i strangled my right
to feel

when i swallowed my cry
for help
when the rock was harder then the place
and the place was deeper then the rock

i have fought
cloth, dirt, and blood
metal fire and wood
fungus bacteria
with hysteria
the criteria
the clit
of the tip
of that place
that was to disgrace
my very existence –

and we converse…
…let’s converse
till there is silence
and there in the silence,
in it’s discomfort, it’s true:

you never really loved me
did you?

The Clit

A Version of Me

its too late to go back
now

maybe sometime back when…

you been resisting so long

you can’t even speak one language right or wrong.

Make that dish with what is here; make it taste like i can fool my tongue

and dress like I still there; still none fuse to my soul

no it still resists

embroidery from baluch on my turtleneck
embroidery from baluch on my jeans
matching
make it like two piece set is in

oh it’s in

i’m composed upon resistance
there is no fusion
it will always be it seems
unabridged
the unabridged

version of me

this life time
mariam
i know you

from another life time
mariam

i know you

were there

like i left you there,
my friend…
like i could have left you.

A Version of Me

The Whole Time

you didn’t know it was happening the whole time
no no, ever since the history was even written down

you didn’t know it was happening the whole time

the spaces you occupy are now in danger

but they were all along

no you didn’t see when the poisoned apple presented itself
or that everything was connected

that if something was there
then it had to do with something that’s here

if you exist
then your history is with the non-existent
it came from there

the daft air

i swear

you didn’t know it was happening the whole time
and the nara, the loudspeaker, the announcement
the discovery once again for a truth right in the face

is this feigned affection again?
do you come like a lover to enchant me again?
like i haven’t changed!

like history repeats itself and that is the end?
like physics ends there with no meta to expand?
but no, the circle extends, the eclipse begins

spiralliing

you thought it would not change
that the truth was a fairy tale

but the truth is a winding road
a road that isn’t a straight line
a road that is sharp and smooth turn and wind

so smooth we need to remind
so smooth we need to remind

the wiser
the sublime
it moves

it was happening the whole time
you didn’t know that the change coming
you didn’t know that the change coming
was happening the whole time.

The Whole Time